It always amazes me when adversity hits, just how much it takes away from your ability to see.  When we are hit with such seasons, the biggest loss and the biggest frustration in my opinion, is losing sight of the ones you love.  Not your ability to see what is in front of you, but the ability to see your children: their emotions, their questions, their phases…. their heart and soul.  The ‘stress fog’ rolls in and clouds your vision.  Time keeps passing for everyone else around you while you’re suspended… unaware of what is happening on the other side.  

We had just come through what I would consider, the biggest challenge our family has ever had to face.  Unemployment, sickness and hospitalization, multiple moves from one State to another and one country to another, multiple transitions and more stress than the human body and soul can handle in one given season. Last September, Steve lost his job.  Shortly afterward, I was told I had cancer, then got a horrible infection…. one thing after the next began rolling out of control.  And then, for the first time in our lives, we were forced to move from our home instead of making a choice to move.  Just before Christmas we moved from Arizona to Oregon and shortly after the New Year, we made our way to Australia.  Before we knew it, months and seasons had passed. Time had moved on for everyone , but I was still trapped in the fog of stress, desperate to get out and see my family.   I felt as if we had gone through an extremely pressurized portal and were scattered upon coming out the other side.  So much time had passed, yet it felt like only a short minute.

And then finally, in April it happened.  Unannounced and without warning.  There they were….. my 3 very precious little boys, playing happily in the park.  Giggling, running and jumping, showing signs of life, health and growth.  "Hi!!" I said, "I’m your mommy!!!  Remember me!!??".  "I have missed you sooooo much!!!!  And I am sooo glad we are together again!!"  What was amazing to me at that moment, was how they had been there with me all along.  Every step of the way.  During all the mileage from unemployment, to sickness, to hospital stays, to moving from State to State and country to country.  They never left me…. even though I couldn’t see them through the time warped fog of stress.  I felt as though I just got back from fighting the biggest battle of my life…. fighting the great fight of faith with everything inside of me.  Questions began flooding my mind.  What has happened to them?  Have they grown?  What have I missed out on?  When did Austin and Brock learn how to talk so well?  When did Jadon become a boy with a heart so after God’s Word?  Oh, how my God has looked after them while I felt I was not able to.  How He has filled in the gap.  For not only are they okay and safe, but they are full of life and thriving inspite of it all!  And just as Jesus said He will never leave or forsake me; he also, will never leave or forsake my 3 little boys!!  Not only have we not been forsaken, but we have all ‘grown’ during this season.  Romans 8:28 states, "He will use ALL things for the good to those who love him, who have been called according to his good will and purpose.”

 
I love how Hebrews 13:5 reads in the Amplified, "…for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!].  Wow!!  That is so powerful.  Not only will he not leave me, but he will not leave my children, regardless of the state I find myself in: capable or not, healthy or not.  And not only will he not leave them, but he will cause them to flourish and grow in the face of adversity.  Regarding Jadon, I have felt like Mary must have felt when she first saw Jesus teaching and performing miracles. "What child is this?", she would ask??   Jadon is not necessarily doing miracles that we can see or touch, but something is going on in my little boy’s spirit!  God is doing something big in him.  When we first arrived in Australia, we noticed Jadon listening to Pastor Wendell Smith’s podcasts on healing (what I listened to 24/7 while in the heat of the battle with cancer & the infection).  At first we thought it was by accident, but soon realized he was intentionally listening to these podcasts every night.  Soon he had his favourites and could speak with me about them in detail.   Whenever he sees me “losing sight”, he will grab his iPhone, and turn on a podcast.  And if he has to, he’ll follow me around with his iPod.  That to me is a miracle.  It’s a miracle that a little boy has enough perception to see that another person needs to hear God’s Word and he makes it happen in a way they he knows how.  I love it!  And Austin and Brock are eager too to be the prayer warriors and Word providers.  They are quite insistent at bedtime or or meal time to be the one to pray.  This is the most precious thing for a mom: to see her boys eagerly running to Jesus and speaking forth God’s Word to those in need… even if it is their Mommy! Never in my life have I been more full of thankfulness and gratitude for the faithfulness of my GOD! 

What happens when you have 3 boys and 1 mommy while the daddy is at work???  An absolute insanely crazy ride!!  One minute, I am crying at how amazingly blessed I am, and the next minute, I am crying tears of pure frustration that no one will listen to me!  How do you actually teach/train/disciple 2 yr. old twin boys anything while they are sabotaging each other’s moment?  How do you keep your cool when you have a 2 year old toddler boys tugging at each leg demanding for your undivided attention while the tireless 6 yr old is giving you a minute-by-minute commentary of the video game he is playing and also expecting your undivided attention?  Will these boys ever learn?  Will I ever get it all together and stay calm in the midst of the chaos?

When I was leaving the gym the other day, it took me about 20 minutes to walk from the kids club back to the front door.  Normally this walk takes a maximum of 2 minutes.  I opened the childcare doors leading into the hallway, and I might as well released 3 bucking broncos!  Jadon darted off first and was gone before I could blink.  Brock was a close second and immediately no where to be found.  Austin shortly followed in 3rd place, but fell like Bambi and was splayed out on the floor.  I found myself darting here and there, from child to child, trying to tame these wild boys!  When I finally made it to the front area, there was Brock doing laps on the inside of the Information counter.  The gym staff were in hysterics at my ‘unruly’ boys.  There were a number of spectators and yet no helpers.  All eyes were on me and all I wanted to do was get these boys ‘rounded-up’ so we could safely walk to the car.  All of a sudden when I thought my blood was going to boil over, somehow, through a miracle of God, everyone came together.  My face was beat red from a combination of pure frustration and exhaustion!  Somehow we made it out the front door and everyone was calm and obedient???  How did that happen???  As we rounded the corner of the gym I began giving them my lecture on how we all need to stay together and obey Mommy.  As I am scolding and pointing my finger and looking directly at Brock (as he was the naughtiest), he looked directly in my eyes as if peering through a telescope and with a cute little grin on his face, says in a VERY sweet voice, “Hi Mommy!”.  What was I to do?  Did he listen?  Did he hear anything I was saying?  Did any of them hear anything?  At that moment, all I could do was laugh.  There was nothing else I could do or say…. He got me.  Clearly all my great council was going WAY over their heads!   However, interestingly enough, the very next time we went to the gym, all of the boys stayed near me as we made our way to kids club and back to the car.  We’ll see what happens the next time???

All I know to do is to keep breathing (VERY important!), try to continue to teach/train/disciple within the milliseconds that are available to me, remember to laugh when I feel I am losing the plot and most importantly, PRAY! Pray with everything inside me that where I fall short as the mommy, God makes up the difference so these boys will grow into great men God has called them to be.  Okay, after this morning’s chaos, I am off to do my breathing…..

Okay, girls… look out! Here comes Brock! Man-o-man, this guy has got eyes that just seriously suck you in! As those dreamy eyes draw you in, you are done for!! ha ha! I am thinking he is going to fall hard for his future girlfriends…. that is until the next girl comes along! ha ha!! We seriously better start praying for his future wife!!

Brockie is such a little dear lately.  He is always looking out for others.  Making sure Jadon and the rest of us have drinks and snacks.  “Mommy’s wahwah”, “Jadon’s wahwah!”  He is also constantly wearing everyone’s shoes, especially Daddy’s!  SOOO cute!!  Most days Steve’s shoes are strung out around the house and Steve wasn’t the one to bring them out!  Or if we’re getting ready to go somewhere, he’ll bring my shoes to me and say, “Heya go Mommy!” …. so precious! 

Brock’s latest talents include being a civil engineer with his cars.  He loves lining them up in one direction and then turning them all around in the opposite direction.  Or lining them up as if their getting ready to go onto a ferry. When it gets really quiet, you can be sure to find Brockie in his element:  Not being bugged by anyone and in a zone with his ‘cahs’!  

Jadon is Brocks BIGGEST hero.  He LOVES his big brother.   He is constantly wearing his shoes (sheesh – this guy will wear anyone’s shoes!!  In fact, Brock’s first word was ‘shoes’!).   And any time Jadon gives him the slightest bit of attention, Brock just eats it up!!  He looks up at his brother with such admiration.  Brock will definitely be the little guy that follows Jadon and all the big guys around – as he already does when given the chance!

Brock’s best friend by far, is Aussie!  Those little guys play together like no others!!  It is hilarious when its bed time.  As soon as we say good-night and shut their door, the party is ON!!  The two of them laugh, giggle, scream and talk like little girls on a slumber party!  It is so funny…. that is until 2 hours have passed and they are still at it!  How they function the next day is beyond me!  It is truly an awesome thing to experience as parents:  when your kids really show each other just how much they love and prefer them. 

Jadon is sooo awesome! We have really been through the ringer with him over the past few months in dealing with medical issues and scares but this season has brought on a lot of growth in our lives. For example, the other day I was having a hard time with my own attitude (yes, big people have bad attitudes at times too!!) and I was trying to explain to Jadon what was going on inside of me so he wouldn’t feel blamed. My bad attitude was coming from within me as opposed to the ‘pressures of life’. He responded, “That’s okay Mom! Don’t you remember the scripture I was talking about last week?”. “Why no,” I said, “which one was it?” He said, “James 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” At that very instant, my ‘bad attitude’ changed. The fight I had going on in my head all morning long was gone. What a great kid! Out of the mouth of babes!
The other thing Jadon has been working on is giving people compliments. The other day we had a babysitter here to look after the kids (she was the youngest one we have ever had, and after this situation, I don’t think we’ll be using one this young again!). When we got home and asked how everything went, she said, “Great, but Jadon said something weird to me”. Apparently he told her that he liked her body. (ha ha) After asking him what he meant by his compliment, he said, “Welllllllll its kinda hard to explain….. what I actually liked was her face…. she reminded me of Princess Leah on the 6th episode of Star Wars”. Ha Ha! too funny. I guess we need to work on how we compliment other people, especially those of the opposite sex. At least he is putting out an effort to notice nice things about other people.
Jadon is still the best big brother in the world! The way he treats and looks after Austin and Brock is so precious. Listening to him read to them, play with them, help them, etc. is just amazing. We couldn’t ask for a better little guy!

Are we insane or brave or what??!! We took all 3 boys out on the boat to Lake Saguaro on Sunday. It was a ton of work but a ton of fun!! The hilarious part about it was that since we have not been out in a few years, we forgot certain steps that you are to take in getting a boat off the trailer and into the water and then back on the trailer again. We kept hitting roadblocks and thought, okay, how in the heck are we going to get over this one??!! Roadblock No. 1 entailed how to get the boys ‘safely’ from the car to the boat. 1 adult has to drive the car out of the water and 1 adult has to drive the boat away from the boat launch. We decided Steve would take the boat while I would take the boys and the car, thinking I would just drive it up a bit to get it out of the water and out of the way of other boats being launched (since I didn’t know how to drive with a trailer attached and I couldn’t remember how to drive the boat!! – Such good help, I am!!). Our plan was that Steve would then come back and park the car once I arrived to the ‘docked’ boat with our boys being held safely. So I pull the car up to a safe place and prepare to meet Steve at the dock. Roadblock No. 2, How do I get the kids to the boat safely??!! Thinking it would be too hard with just me and 3 boys, since 2 of them run AWOL when they get the chance, I proceed to tell Jadon that he and I would meet daddy while the boys would wait in the car. NO WAY!! Jadon kept asking me if I was crazy to leave Austin and Brock in the car??!!! Ha ha – the more Jadon questioned me, the more I realized he was right! I was CRAZY!!! That would be insane to leave them in the car as neither Steve nor I would be able to see them while Jadon and I made our way to the boat. So, being the responsible boy that he is, says I’ll help you Mom. So off we went down to the dock. The sheriff watching us very closely all the while. ha ha! So we get the boys suited up in their life vests and for some crazy reason, we decide it would best for me to park the car and trailer while Steve looks after the boys and the boat. Ha Ha – again, are we insane?? I am the one with no experience driving with a trailer??!! So off I go. As I take each step closer to the car, I am thinking, I can’t do this!! I have NEVER pulled a trailer before and there are a ton of boats, trucks, etc. around for me to navigate !!! So without thinking too much about it (as I would have raised the while flag for sure), I climb into the driver seat, put it in reverse and back the trailer up. Lesson no 1 – you have to reverse in the opposite direction you want the trailer to go. Ha ha – way too many people were around for me to ‘learn’ how to back-up a trailer!! Then I had to navigate between a tiny spot to get the trailer out…. scary. Finally, I get parked in a nice L shape (meaning the boat and truck were NOT all lined up – they created an ‘L’ ‘!) Ha ha! All the while, Steve is dealing with boats, boys and water!! Sheesh – he’ll have to add his own blog on that one!
Anyway, once on the boat, we all shout with glee as we made it!! Jadon loved it and Aussie was in paradise….. and Brock…. hmmmm, not too sure about it. After a number of jumps on wakes and shouts of glee, we decide its time for a swim…. within seconds of Austin sitting on the swim step, SPLAT!! Face plant right into the water! He was just way too excited to get in for his swim!! Luckily, he recovered quickly!! It finally came time to pull the boat out… my oh my, Roadblock No. 3 – How do we get the boat out, again, keeping the boys safe?? This actually turned out to be a lot easier than we anticipated…. but it took a lot of effort and trust in Jadon. He is such an amazing kid!! I really think we underestimate what he can do! Again, he was the responsible big brother looking after Aussie and Brock while Dad backed the trailer up and Mom navigated the boat to fit evenly on the trailer. After 3 attempts – we were out!! Yay – such fun!! We were all extremely exhausted but extremely content!! Steve and I felt so accomplished!!
Before we know it, we will ALL be carving it up!!! Hit it!!

I LOVE the pics of Brock driving! Way too cute! He looks like a natural!

Just a few more pics of our day out!! Way too fun!!

Our sweet little Austin….. what an adorable little boy! His personality has really been blossoming lately. He is truly the man of many of faces. Watch out Jim Carey… Here comes Austin Berg! Here are a few things about Austin that has made me giggle lately: Wow, this guy can throw!! He throws everything from Lego cars, to balls, to spoons, to whatever he has in his hands! He absolutly loves the sound of the Lego cars crashing all over the tile. His throw is not a sissy little girly throw either. It is an overhand, hard ball throw! Baseball? Cricket? We’ll see who gets him first! ~ His voice. He is NOT quiet! We hear him at all hours no matter where he is in the house. He glees with delight in a high tone and then mimics Mommy with his low tone (yeah!). However, I think he may have Jadon and Mommy beat with the volume though. ~ He has really been loving his books lately. He sits down by himself and looks at all the pictures and begins his monologue only he can understand. And if he wants you to read to him, he’ll follow you all over the house and say, “bahgh” (book) in his french accent with the deep gutteral ghghgh sound. ~ He is incredibly playful. He loves to play little games with who ever will participate: peek-abo, chase, tickle, etc. And then he just giggles with a very infectious giggle. You can’t help but join in! ~ How he loves to tickle and be tickled. He gets his big boisterous laugh going that sounds so like Jadon’s laugh. He pulls his shirt up (or your shirt up) to display his belly and then tickles himself and expects you to tickle him back! All the while saying, “tighle tighle tighle”. Way too cute!! ~ How much he is a mini-Jadon. He definitely has differences, but some things are SO Jadon. Like how he loves to cuddle… the sound of his laugh… the sound of his cry… how he loves to read… how he lounges back against your chest while watching TV… how he cuddles stuffed animals and says, “cuddu cuddu cuddu!!”… how he moves (slightly unco)… so many little things. I love it! ~ How much he loves Brockie. He is constantly following him around (poor Aussie will probably always see the back side of Brockie with Brock’s speed!! I think most of us will!!). The way they play games and giggle together. Both of them get these huge belly laughs that are so hilarious to listen to! He is always walking around saying (again in his french accent), “Bahghkie“. ~ He is so sweet how he sucks his thumb and then rubs his upper lip with his index finger. He is clearly soothing himself and he just looks so sweet doing it. ~ When he walks or runs, his arms flail all over the place. ~ How he attempts to say every word you say (he is NOT afraid to talk and try out new words!) such as: appo (for apple and any other round fruit), Cah (car), wahdu (water), ssspooon (spoon), Bahghkie (Brockie), Bahghk (book), Ehden (Jadon), Daaadddddyyyy (for everyone he likes including mommy), gahggie (doggie), doooooah (with big puckered up lips) (door), cookyyyyyy (with a BIG toothy grin on the yyyyy part(cookie), cahkah (cracker), pahstah (pasta) and a billion more! We definitely love our little Aussie and truly feel blessed beyond words to have him in our family! He makes us laugh!! He is truly our little comedian!!

Bah-bah-Bahckie (as Aussie calls him) has been so cute lately. Time keeps sneaking by me and I need to record some of these things before they become distant memories. These are the things that have been making me giggle lately about this little guy: How he climbs little hills at the park so he can moon-walk backwards down them. He looks up at me with a big grin and a proud look on his face, “look what I can do Mom!!”. ~ How he LOVES to climb up on top of things (tables, couches, upside-down toy boxes that he emptied out, etc.). He stands up and says, “Ta-daaaaaa!” even though he knows its a ‘no-no’. ~ When he really wants to get out of his car seat and he literally leaps into my arms (wow that is such a help to me!). ~ When little kids come over for a play date and he goes nuts in sheer glee and excitement. ~ How he is so meticulous with his cars. They all have their little parking places all over the house. So stinking cute!! I will find them very neatly parked against walls, in straight lines and my most favorite: around my bosu ball. Ha ha – I love it!! ~ How he looks after Aussie… always making sure Aussie has a car too. ~ How he always swaps Aussie’s drink with him (of course he makes sure he has almost finished his drink before “sharing” with Austin – what a smart kid). ~ How he attempts to say new words all the time: hungy (hungry), ehpane (airplane), Aussie – and when he’s feeling extra clever – Awsten, Ehden (Jadon), Nigh-Nigh (nite-nite), beety (binky), Cah (car), out (for pick me up), and my latest favorite: bahdoon (baloon). ~ How he puckers his lips as big and full as they can possibly get and says very authoritatively, “No No Awsten!” ~ How he always sings a little tune. And how he can NOT sit still when music is on. He feels the rhythm and is compelled to bee-bop with his body no matter how tired he is. It is hilarious as sometime he looks at me with an expression of, “Please turn that music off!! I am so tired and yet I must go on if the music is playing”. ~ And lately how he and Austin have been playing together. From just listening to them, you would think they were a couple of girls with all of the shrilly screams of delight they make. They REALLY love each other….. something VERY special for a mother of twins to see and experience. They have such a special bond that they will carry with them for life. The other day, Austin had a doctor’s appt. and the entire time, Brock kept asking for Aussie. I think he said his name 300 times while he was away. When Steve got home, he told me that Austin said Bah-Bah-Bahckie for about 300 times as well. They really notice when the other is not there. We so love our little Brockie and feel so blessed to have such a fun, loving and caring little boy.

How cute is this!!