I SEE YOU!!!

It always amazes me when adversity hits, just how much it takes away from your ability to see.  When we are hit with such seasons, the biggest loss and the biggest frustration in my opinion, is losing sight of the ones you love.  Not your ability to see what is in front of you, but the ability to see your children: their emotions, their questions, their phases…. their heart and soul.  The ‘stress fog’ rolls in and clouds your vision.  Time keeps passing for everyone else around you while you’re suspended… unaware of what is happening on the other side.  

We had just come through what I would consider, the biggest challenge our family has ever had to face.  Unemployment, sickness and hospitalization, multiple moves from one State to another and one country to another, multiple transitions and more stress than the human body and soul can handle in one given season. Last September, Steve lost his job.  Shortly afterward, I was told I had cancer, then got a horrible infection…. one thing after the next began rolling out of control.  And then, for the first time in our lives, we were forced to move from our home instead of making a choice to move.  Just before Christmas we moved from Arizona to Oregon and shortly after the New Year, we made our way to Australia.  Before we knew it, months and seasons had passed. Time had moved on for everyone , but I was still trapped in the fog of stress, desperate to get out and see my family.   I felt as if we had gone through an extremely pressurized portal and were scattered upon coming out the other side.  So much time had passed, yet it felt like only a short minute.

And then finally, in April it happened.  Unannounced and without warning.  There they were….. my 3 very precious little boys, playing happily in the park.  Giggling, running and jumping, showing signs of life, health and growth.  "Hi!!" I said, "I’m your mommy!!!  Remember me!!??".  "I have missed you sooooo much!!!!  And I am sooo glad we are together again!!"  What was amazing to me at that moment, was how they had been there with me all along.  Every step of the way.  During all the mileage from unemployment, to sickness, to hospital stays, to moving from State to State and country to country.  They never left me…. even though I couldn’t see them through the time warped fog of stress.  I felt as though I just got back from fighting the biggest battle of my life…. fighting the great fight of faith with everything inside of me.  Questions began flooding my mind.  What has happened to them?  Have they grown?  What have I missed out on?  When did Austin and Brock learn how to talk so well?  When did Jadon become a boy with a heart so after God’s Word?  Oh, how my God has looked after them while I felt I was not able to.  How He has filled in the gap.  For not only are they okay and safe, but they are full of life and thriving inspite of it all!  And just as Jesus said He will never leave or forsake me; he also, will never leave or forsake my 3 little boys!!  Not only have we not been forsaken, but we have all ‘grown’ during this season.  Romans 8:28 states, "He will use ALL things for the good to those who love him, who have been called according to his good will and purpose.”

 
I love how Hebrews 13:5 reads in the Amplified, "…for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!].  Wow!!  That is so powerful.  Not only will he not leave me, but he will not leave my children, regardless of the state I find myself in: capable or not, healthy or not.  And not only will he not leave them, but he will cause them to flourish and grow in the face of adversity.  Regarding Jadon, I have felt like Mary must have felt when she first saw Jesus teaching and performing miracles. "What child is this?", she would ask??   Jadon is not necessarily doing miracles that we can see or touch, but something is going on in my little boy’s spirit!  God is doing something big in him.  When we first arrived in Australia, we noticed Jadon listening to Pastor Wendell Smith’s podcasts on healing (what I listened to 24/7 while in the heat of the battle with cancer & the infection).  At first we thought it was by accident, but soon realized he was intentionally listening to these podcasts every night.  Soon he had his favourites and could speak with me about them in detail.   Whenever he sees me “losing sight”, he will grab his iPhone, and turn on a podcast.  And if he has to, he’ll follow me around with his iPod.  That to me is a miracle.  It’s a miracle that a little boy has enough perception to see that another person needs to hear God’s Word and he makes it happen in a way they he knows how.  I love it!  And Austin and Brock are eager too to be the prayer warriors and Word providers.  They are quite insistent at bedtime or or meal time to be the one to pray.  This is the most precious thing for a mom: to see her boys eagerly running to Jesus and speaking forth God’s Word to those in need… even if it is their Mommy! Never in my life have I been more full of thankfulness and gratitude for the faithfulness of my GOD!